2025

Grief is a sneaky thing. It creeps up on you, takes over your thoughts, and before you know it, you’re sinking into a pit of self-pity. Maybe you’re curled up in bed, wondering how the heck you’re supposed to survive another day without your spouse. Maybe you’re in the grocery store, looking at the empty space where they once stood, and suddenly, everything feels like too much. It’s a universal truth that grief can make you want to wallow, and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling, sometimes—just sometimes—you need to step back, take a deep breath, and laugh at yourself. Yes, laugh.

Here’s how to do it when you’re feeling sorry for yourself as a widowed person—and why it can actually help.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings (Then Let Your Inner Comedian Take Over)

First, let’s be clear: feeling sorry for yourself as a widowed person isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it’s probably necessary. But there’s a point where it starts to feel like you’re stuck in a loop. The same sad thoughts running around like a hamster on a wheel, but instead of getting anywhere, you’re just exhausted.

Here’s the secret: as much as grief hurts, it’s also a part of being human, and being human comes with a built-in ability to make fun of the absurdity of life. So, after you’ve allowed yourself to cry, vent, or even wallow for a little while, try zooming out for a second. Step out of your sorrow and look at the bigger picture.

“Here I am,” you might think, “a grown adult, lost in the cereal aisle, debating whether to buy extra-large spaghetti just to fill the empty space in my cart… and my heart.”

See what just happened? You’ve laughed at yourself, just a little, and it can feel surprisingly freeing. You’re not belittling your grief; you’re giving it a little perspective. Because sometimes life is just absurd, and it’s okay to laugh at the weirdness of it all.

2. Remember the Moments Your Spouse Would Have Found Hilarious

There were moments in your relationship when you and your spouse laughed together—hard. Maybe it was over something silly, maybe it was a shared inside joke. Perhaps it was during a chaotic moment when everything seemed to be going wrong, but you found humor in the disaster. Those moments were beautiful, and they still exist, even after their passing.

When you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, try to think about those times—times when your spouse would have rolled their eyes and said, “Seriously? This is happening?” or when they laughed at you for something you thought was so important in the moment but was truly a ridiculous, small detail.

Imagine them now, looking at you from the other side, shaking their head and chuckling at the drama you’re creating about getting the laundry done or overanalyzing the last conversation you had with your friend. “Oh, come on,” they might say, “it’s just socks, not the end of the world!” It’s comforting to know that even in grief, there’s still room for laughter—the kind that honors both the pain and the joy.

3. Use Humor to Put Things in Perspective

When you’re in the thick of missing someone, everything can feel like a huge mountain you’re never going to be able to climb. A new project at work? Too much. A friend who asks if you want to go out? Not enough energy. But the truth is, we often create unnecessary drama in our heads.

Try imagining what you would say to your best friend if they were feeling sorry for themselves the way you’re feeling now. Wouldn’t you likely say, “Oh come on, you’re stronger than that! You’re allowed to have a bad day, but don’t get stuck there. The world doesn’t stop turning just because you’re having a tough moment.”

Now, apply that same kind of humor to your own situation. Picture yourself telling your grief-stricken self, “Well, you’re gonna be okay, even if it’s one sock at a time. You’ll survive this ridiculous, crazy life—heck, you already have!” It doesn’t invalidate your feelings—it just reminds you that you’re a little stronger than you sometimes give yourself credit for.

4. Talk to Yourself Like You’re the Star of a Sitcom

Here’s a fun trick: next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, imagine your life as the star of a sitcom. You’re the lovable, quirky character, dealing with the ups and downs of widowhood in the most awkwardly hilarious ways. You could give yourself a dramatic monologue, complete with exaggerated gestures and over-the-top facial expressions. The grocery store? Oh, that’s where the best scene happens: You walk past a display of flowers and start talking to them, as if they’re your new therapy session. “Oh, flowers,” you sigh. “You’re so pretty, but you don’t ask me how I’m really doing.” The absurdity of it all becomes the comedy you need to lighten the mood.

When you can detach yourself from the heaviness of grief and laugh at the “theatricality” of your feelings, it gives you permission to feel both the sadness and the humor in your life. It’s a clever way to remind yourself that life will go on, and maybe it won’t always be perfect, but it will be full of moments that are, well, a little ridiculous—and that’s okay.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Be Human

At the end of the day, you’re only human. You’ll have moments where you feel sorry for yourself, moments where you miss them so much it’s unbearable, and moments when the weight of widowhood feels too heavy. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay.

But humor is your way of giving yourself permission to be human without getting lost in the spiral. Laughing at yourself means you’re not taking yourself too seriously—because let’s face it, life after loss is confusing, awkward, and often very, very messy. Allowing yourself to find the humor in that messiness is an act of grace, an acknowledgment that even in your darkest moments, you can still find lightness.

Grief doesn’t have a clear roadmap, and it doesn’t make any of us invincible. But we all have the ability to laugh at the absurdity of life, even in its most painful moments. When you’re feeling sorry for yourself, remember that it’s okay to embrace the messiness and laughter that comes with being human. Sometimes, humor is just the relief you need to help you breathe, step forward, and remember that even in the midst of loss, you are still whole—still strong, still worthy, and, yes, still capable of finding joy, even in the most unexpected of places.