When you’re widowed, the world quietly hands you a list of things you’re supposed to WANT: 

Move forward, get out there, find someone new, keep busy.

But what if, instead of chasing someone else’s story, you asked yourself a quieter, braver question:

What do you want your life to feeeeeeeeeeeeel like?

Not what it should look like on the outside. Not how it should measure up to the past. Not whether you’re doing it “right.”

Just: How do you want to feel?

When we explore dating or romance after loss, we often carry invisible conditions, expectations that this next love must make the pain worth it, replace what we lost, or somehow “fix” the loneliness. That’s a heavy ask for anyone.

But when we let go of those conditions (even just a little) we make space for something lighter, more playful, and more honest!  Maybe we don’t need a FOREVER. Maybe we need a fling. Or a friend. Or someone to hold us through one hard night. 

Maybe we want to simply feel romantic, tap into our senses, move through the day at our own pace, indulge in something that pleases us, explore a hobby or get curious about something an outsider would think odd.  Do you want to feel playful?  Do you want to feel completely different than you did when you were married?  Do you want to feel your way through life in totally new ways?

We have these extraordinary human bodies we can use to touch, be touched, explore new places and environments, textures and fabrics.  As you move through your day – how do you want to feel?  Maybe it’s not so much about what we want to DO now that we’re widowed.

Maybe it’s time to stop setting goals and start listening to our emotions and the sensations in our bodies.  Pause, breathe, and ask yourself…

What do I want to feel?  

Let that be your compass.